Giving a eulogy is one of the most difficult and meaningful things you can be asked to do. You are grieving yourself, yet you are expected to stand up and find the right words. In South Africa this often happens within a long, multi part service that may include prayers, hymns, clan praises and words from many speakers.
Here are 7 practical tips to help you write and deliver a dignified eulogy, whatever the tradition.
When families find the courage to speak themselves, it carries a room far more than any polished reading ever could. You do not need to prove anything or live up to anyone. Focus on the person you are saying goodbye to. The rest will carry itself.
Sarah van der Merwe
Tip 1: Give Yourself Permission to Be Imperfect
Before you put pen to paper, understand this: a eulogy does not need to be perfect. It needs to be sincere. The congregation is not expecting poetry. They are expecting honesty and warmth.
If you stumble or your voice cracks, that is completely natural. It shows how much the person meant to you. In a country where funerals are often shared, emotional events, no one will think less of you for it.
Tip 2: Gather Memories Before You Write
Do not try to write a finished eulogy straight away. Take a moment to collect your thoughts. What made this person who they were? What stories come up at every Christmas, every family gathering, every Sunday lunch? What did you personally treasure about them?
Practical tip: Jot everything down. Bullet points are fine. You will shape the best bits into your eulogy later.
Have a chat with other family members, neighbours and church or mosque friends too. They will often remind you of moments you had forgotten, and can also share izithakazelo or clan praises where appropriate.
Tip 3: Follow a Clear Structure
Even a eulogy needs shape. Without structure, you will drift between thoughts and the speech will feel muddled. Remember that in many South African services the eulogy is one part of a longer programme, so a clean structure helps the MC and keeps your section focused.
Tried and tested structure:
- Introduction: Briefly say who you are and how you knew the person
- Their life: Touch on the milestones, values and qualities that defined them
- Personal memories: Share 1 to 2 stories that show who they really were
- Their legacy: What did they leave behind? How did they shape your life and the family?
- Farewell: Close with a personal goodbye, a favourite scripture or quote, or a word of thanks
Tip 4: Talk About the Person, Not Just the Facts
A chronological run through of dates and achievements does not make a eulogy. The small, human stories do.
Example: Rather than "He was a devoted father," talk about the Saturday mornings he spent burning the pap and wors on the braai while singing along to Brenda Fassie on the radio. Rather than "She was full of life," share the story everyone in the family knows by heart, the one someone always retells at Christmas lunch.
Laughter at a funeral is not inappropriate. It is a celebration of a life well lived, and something many South African traditions actively welcome.
Tip 5: Use a Speech Generator to Get Started
When you are grieving, sitting down to write can feel impossible. The blank page becomes a wall.
A speech generator can take that first hurdle away. Answer a few questions about the person, your relationship and your shared memories. In minutes, you will have a compassionate, complete eulogy to work from. Adjust it, add your own stories and make it yours.
It means you do not have to start from nothing during the hardest week of your life, which is especially valuable when a Muslim funeral must happen within 24 hours or when family are travelling long distances from Gauteng, KZN or the Eastern Cape.
Tip 6: Keep It Focused
A eulogy should last 3 to 7 minutes. South African services are often long, with many contributions, so the eulogy itself should be tight. That is enough time to say what matters without exhausting the congregation. Longer eulogies lose their emotional power.
Practical test: Read it aloud and time yourself. Over 7 minutes? Look for passages you can tighten.
Less is almost always more. A few honest, well chosen words carry far more weight than a lengthy address, especially within a programme that already includes hymns, prayers and words from several speakers.
Tip 7: Master the Delivery
The delivery is the hardest part, emotionally. These tips will help:
- Practise aloud: Read through it at least 2 to 3 times. You will learn where the emotional flashpoints are so you can brace yourself
- Print it large: 14pt font at minimum. If your eyes fill up, you will still be able to read
- Go slowly: Take your time. Pauses are not awkward. They give everyone, including you, room to breathe
- Keep water close: A glass of water buys you a moment and helps a dry throat, especially important in a hot marquee or church
- Have a backup reader: Ask a trusted person to step in if you cannot continue. Simply knowing they are there is a huge relief
- It is okay to cry: Let it happen. Pause, breathe and carry on when you are ready
Summary
Delivering a eulogy is one of the most honourable things you can do for someone. You do not need to be a polished speaker. You just need to be sincere. Collect your memories, find a structure, keep it focused and practise. If you need help getting started, a speech generator can give you a solid foundation.
Everyone there will be grateful you had the courage to stand up and speak.